Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Discipline Tips For Toddlers
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.Discipline Tips For Toddlers
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Discipline Tips For Toddlers
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas cause healthy child development Discipline Tips For Toddlers
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to work temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Discipline Tips For Toddlers
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Discipline Tips For Toddlers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently generates far better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Discipline Tips For Toddlers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (and a lot more usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Discipline Tips For Toddlers
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a key emotion below it
• A lot of angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Discipline Tips For Toddlers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we should be eager to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as a person. Discipline Tips For Toddlers
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Discipline Tips For Toddlers
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Discipline Tips For Toddlers
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Discipline Tips For Toddlers
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Discipline Tips For Toddlers
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Discipline Tips For Toddlers
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.