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When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Discipline Tool
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Discipline Tool
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Discipline Tool
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy child development Discipline Tool
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Discipline Tool
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Discipline Tool
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that collaboration always produces much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents that adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Discipline Tool
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually easier (and much more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Discipline Tool
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary feeling below it
• Most upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Discipline Tool
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to get from our child, we must want to provide first. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as an individual. Discipline Tool
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Discipline Tool
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Discipline Tool
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Discipline Tool
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Discipline Tool
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Discipline Tool
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.