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When I initially became a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Discipline Vs Child Abuse
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.Discipline Vs Child Abuse
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Discipline Vs Child Abuse
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reviewing material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as practically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts result in healthy child development Discipline Vs Child Abuse
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Discipline Vs Child Abuse
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want Discipline Vs Child Abuse
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration consistently yields much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents that adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Discipline Vs Child Abuse
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Discipline Vs Child Abuse
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary emotion underneath it
• Many upset children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … Discipline Vs Child Abuse
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we must want to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Discipline Vs Child Abuse
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Discipline Vs Child Abuse
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Discipline Vs Child Abuse
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Discipline Vs Child Abuse
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Discipline Vs Child Abuse
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Discipline Vs Child Abuse
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