Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Discipline Your Child Bible
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.Discipline Your Child Bible
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Discipline Your Child Bible
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also basically every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles cause healthy child development Discipline Your Child Bible
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to work for the moment. But long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Discipline Your Child Bible
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Discipline Your Child Bible
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation always generates far better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Discipline Your Child Bible
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and also a lot more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Discipline Your Child Bible
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary emotion below it
• A lot of upset children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Discipline Your Child Bible
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we have to be willing to give first. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. Discipline Your Child Bible
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Discipline Your Child Bible
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Discipline Your Child Bible
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Discipline Your Child Bible
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Discipline Your Child Bible
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Discipline Your Child Bible
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.