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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Discipline Your Child
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Discipline Your Child
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Discipline Your Child
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reading blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and practically every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development Discipline Your Child
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to work temporarily. However in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Discipline Your Child
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Discipline Your Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that collaboration always generates better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Discipline Your Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (and more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Discipline Your Child
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key emotion underneath it
• The majority of mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Discipline Your Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we need to be prepared to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. Discipline Your Child
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Discipline Your Child
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Discipline Your Child
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Discipline Your Child
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Discipline Your Child
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Discipline Your Child
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.