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When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Discipline Your Kids
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Discipline Your Kids
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Discipline Your Kids
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reviewing articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Discipline Your Kids
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Discipline Your Kids
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Discipline Your Kids
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that cooperation always yields far better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Discipline Your Kids
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually easier (and more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Discipline Your Kids
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a key feeling under it
• Most upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Discipline Your Kids
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we have to be willing to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Discipline Your Kids
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Discipline Your Kids
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Discipline Your Kids
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Discipline Your Kids
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about becoming a more positive mom or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Discipline Your Kids
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Discipline Your Kids
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