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When I first became a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Discipling A Child
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Discipling A Child
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Discipling A Child
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reading blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as basically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas lead to healthy child development Discipling A Child
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Discipling A Child
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Discipling A Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration consistently generates much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Discipling A Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Right here are a couple of the methods Amy teaches to encourage you to become the mama or dad you have actually always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her full potential.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (as well as extra typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Discipling A Child
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key feeling below it
• Many mad children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Discipling A Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to get from our child, we need to want to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as a person. Discipling A Child
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Discipling A Child
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Discipling A Child
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Discipling A Child
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Discipling A Child
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Discipling A Child
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.