Disciplining A 4 Year Old Boy – How I Used Positive Parenting to Once And For All Get My Kids to Listen

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Disciplining A 4 Year Old Boy
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Disciplining A 4 Year Old Boy

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Disciplining A 4 Year Old Boy

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Disciplining A 4 Year Old Boy

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reviewing material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and basically every other generally approved parenting strategy.

I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Resolving power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these ideas lead to healthy child development Disciplining A 4 Year Old Boy

Disciplining A 4 Year Old Boy

In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.

Given his background as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Disciplining A 4 Year Old Boy

First, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Overlooking significant wrongdoing

• Giving your children every little thing they want Disciplining A 4 Year Old Boy

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no restrictions

You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation always produces much better long-term outcomes than strict control.

Parents who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries

• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals

Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued

• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint

• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Disciplining A 4 Year Old Boy

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to become the mama or daddy you’ve always wished to be, and assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Find the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and much more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

Yet we can progress a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Disciplining A 4 Year Old Boy

For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary emotion beneath it

• Many angry children are actually anxious and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.

• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.

• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Disciplining A 4 Year Old Boy

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we must be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you value them as an individual. Disciplining A 4 Year Old Boy

This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Disciplining A 4 Year Old Boy

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …

Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Disciplining A 4 Year Old Boy

Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.

So how can you come to be a positive parent? Disciplining A 4 Year Old Boy

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I advise anyone that is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Disciplining A 4 Year Old Boy

You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.

In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Disciplining A 4 Year Old Boy


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