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When I first became a mother, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Disciplining A Child
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Disciplining A Child
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Disciplining A Child
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also basically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development Disciplining A Child
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Disciplining A Child
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Disciplining A Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently produces much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. Disciplining A Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually easier (and more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Disciplining A Child
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling below it
• The majority of angry children are really anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Disciplining A Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we must want to offer first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Disciplining A Child
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Disciplining A Child
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Disciplining A Child
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Disciplining A Child
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Disciplining A Child
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Disciplining A Child
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