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When I first became a mother, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Disciplining A Four Year Old
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Disciplining A Four Year Old
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Disciplining A Four Year Old
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reading blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas cause healthy child development Disciplining A Four Year Old
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Disciplining A Four Year Old
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they want Disciplining A Four Year Old
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation always generates much better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Disciplining A Four Year Old
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Here are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mama or father you have actually always wished to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and also extra usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Disciplining A Four Year Old
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary feeling underneath it
• Most mad children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard because you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Disciplining A Four Year Old
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we need to be ready to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. Disciplining A Four Year Old
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Disciplining A Four Year Old
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Disciplining A Four Year Old
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Disciplining A Four Year Old
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Disciplining A Four Year Old
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Disciplining A Four Year Old
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.