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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Disciplining Your Children
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Disciplining Your Children
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Disciplining Your Children
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and basically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Disciplining Your Children
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Disciplining Your Children
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Disciplining Your Children
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently generates far better long-term results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Disciplining Your Children
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (and a lot more usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Disciplining Your Children
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary emotion underneath it
• Many mad children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met first. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Disciplining Your Children
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to get from our child, we need to be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Disciplining Your Children
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Disciplining Your Children
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Disciplining Your Children
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Disciplining Your Children
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Disciplining Your Children
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Disciplining Your Children
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