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When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Divorce With A Baby Involved
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Divorce With A Baby Involved
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Divorce With A Baby Involved
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development Divorce With A Baby Involved
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Divorce With A Baby Involved
Initially, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Divorce With A Baby Involved
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration consistently produces much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than plain exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Divorce With A Baby Involved
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (and much more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Divorce With A Baby Involved
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main feeling below it
• Most mad children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Divorce With A Baby Involved
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we must be ready to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. Divorce With A Baby Involved
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Divorce With A Baby Involved
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Divorce With A Baby Involved
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Divorce With A Baby Involved
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Divorce With A Baby Involved
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Divorce With A Baby Involved
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