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When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Divorcing With A Newborn
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Divorcing With A Newborn
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Divorcing With A Newborn
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reading material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and pretty much every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Divorcing With A Newborn
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Divorcing With A Newborn
Initially, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Divorcing With A Newborn
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation always yields far better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Divorcing With A Newborn
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Divorcing With A Newborn
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main feeling beneath it
• A lot of upset children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you truly wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Divorcing With A Newborn
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to get from our child, we must want to offer first. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. Divorcing With A Newborn
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Divorcing With A Newborn
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Divorcing With A Newborn
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Divorcing With A Newborn
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Divorcing With A Newborn
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Divorcing With A Newborn
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.