Do As I Say Not As I Do Parenting – Exactly How I Chose Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Behave

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Do As I Say Not As I Do Parenting
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Do As I Say Not As I Do Parenting

There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.

It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Do As I Say Not As I Do Parenting

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Do As I Say Not As I Do Parenting

My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started checking out blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as practically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.

I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Do As I Say Not As I Do Parenting

Do As I Say Not As I Do Parenting

In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.

Considering his history and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Do As I Say Not As I Do Parenting

Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a lazy parent

• Ignoring major misbehavior

• Giving your children whatever they want Do As I Say Not As I Do Parenting

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”

• Having no restrictions

You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation always generates much better lasting results than harsh control.

Parents that adopt this design have figured out how to foster:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries

• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals

Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Assisting kids to develop self-control

• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Do As I Say Not As I Do Parenting

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Here are a couple of the methods Amy reveals to assist you to come to be the mother or daddy you’ve always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.

Find the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually easier (as well as extra typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

We can progress a whole lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Do As I Say Not As I Do Parenting

A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main feeling under it

• A lot of upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.

• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.

• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … Do As I Say Not As I Do Parenting

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to receive from our child, we must be willing to offer first. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Do As I Say Not As I Do Parenting

This does not imply you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Do As I Say Not As I Do Parenting

Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …

Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Do As I Say Not As I Do Parenting

Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some visitors may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.

So just how can you become a positive parent? Do As I Say Not As I Do Parenting

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. But little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I recommend anybody who is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Do As I Say Not As I Do Parenting

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.

In her totally free class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Do As I Say Not As I Do Parenting


Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

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