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When I first became a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Do Kids Watch Too Much Television
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Do Kids Watch Too Much Television
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Do Kids Watch Too Much Television
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started checking out material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Do Kids Watch Too Much Television
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Do Kids Watch Too Much Television
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Do Kids Watch Too Much Television
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that cooperation always yields better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Do Kids Watch Too Much Television
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (as well as extra typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Do Kids Watch Too Much Television
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main feeling beneath it
• The majority of mad children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Do Kids Watch Too Much Television
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to receive from our child, we need to be willing to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. Do Kids Watch Too Much Television
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Do Kids Watch Too Much Television
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Do Kids Watch Too Much Television
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Do Kids Watch Too Much Television
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Do Kids Watch Too Much Television
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Do Kids Watch Too Much Television
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.