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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Do Kids Watch Too Much Tv
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mother.Do Kids Watch Too Much Tv
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Do Kids Watch Too Much Tv
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Do Kids Watch Too Much Tv
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to help temporarily. However long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Do Kids Watch Too Much Tv
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want Do Kids Watch Too Much Tv
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently produces much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outward compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Do Kids Watch Too Much Tv
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (and more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Do Kids Watch Too Much Tv
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• Most mad children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Do Kids Watch Too Much Tv
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to receive from our child, we should be willing to provide. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as a person. Do Kids Watch Too Much Tv
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Do Kids Watch Too Much Tv
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Do Kids Watch Too Much Tv
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Do Kids Watch Too Much Tv
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Do Kids Watch Too Much Tv
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Do Kids Watch Too Much Tv
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