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When I first became a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Dr Laura Advertisers
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Dr Laura Advertisers
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Dr Laura Advertisers
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began checking out blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and basically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Dr Laura Advertisers
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit for the moment. But in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Dr Laura Advertisers
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Dr Laura Advertisers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration consistently yields far better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Dr Laura Advertisers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually much easier (and also more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Dr Laura Advertisers
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key emotion below it
• The majority of angry children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Dr Laura Advertisers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we should be ready to give. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Dr Laura Advertisers
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Dr Laura Advertisers
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Dr Laura Advertisers
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? Dr Laura Advertisers
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Dr Laura Advertisers
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Dr Laura Advertisers
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