Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Dr Laura Markham Bio
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Dr Laura Markham Bio
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Dr Laura Markham Bio
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began reading articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and practically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Dr Laura Markham Bio
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to work temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Dr Laura Markham Bio
Initially, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Dr Laura Markham Bio
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that collaboration always generates far better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents that adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Dr Laura Markham Bio
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Right here are a number of the techniques Amy teaches to help you to come to be the mama or father you have actually always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her full potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and much more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Dr Laura Markham Bio
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a key feeling below it
• Many angry children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Dr Laura Markham Bio
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we should be eager to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. Dr Laura Markham Bio
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Dr Laura Markham Bio
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Dr Laura Markham Bio
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Dr Laura Markham Bio
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Dr Laura Markham Bio
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Dr Laura Markham Bio
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.