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When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Dr Laura Markham Youtube
There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Dr Laura Markham Youtube
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Dr Laura Markham Youtube
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also virtually every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas result in healthy child development Dr Laura Markham Youtube
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Dr Laura Markham Youtube
First, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Dr Laura Markham Youtube
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that cooperation always generates far better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Dr Laura Markham Youtube
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also much more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Dr Laura Markham Youtube
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main emotion under it
• A lot of mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … Dr Laura Markham Youtube
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we have to be prepared to give. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. Dr Laura Markham Youtube
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Dr Laura Markham Youtube
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Dr Laura Markham Youtube
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Dr Laura Markham Youtube
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Dr Laura Markham Youtube
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Dr Laura Markham Youtube
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