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When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Dr Laura Podcast Free Download
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.Dr Laura Podcast Free Download
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Dr Laura Podcast Free Download
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as basically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles lead to healthy child development Dr Laura Podcast Free Download
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Dr Laura Podcast Free Download
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Dr Laura Podcast Free Download
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation always generates far better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Dr Laura Podcast Free Download
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (and much more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Dr Laura Podcast Free Download
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• The majority of angry children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … Dr Laura Podcast Free Download
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we must be eager to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Dr Laura Podcast Free Download
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Dr Laura Podcast Free Download
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Dr Laura Podcast Free Download
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Dr Laura Podcast Free Download
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. But little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Dr Laura Podcast Free Download
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Dr Laura Podcast Free Download
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