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When I initially came to be a mommy, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Dr. Laura Podcast
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Dr. Laura Podcast
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Dr. Laura Podcast
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began reading blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Dr. Laura Podcast
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit for the moment. Yet long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Dr. Laura Podcast
Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Dr. Laura Podcast
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration always produces far better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Dr. Laura Podcast
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (as well as much more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Dr. Laura Podcast
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• Many angry children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Dr. Laura Podcast
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be eager to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Dr. Laura Podcast
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Dr. Laura Podcast
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Dr. Laura Podcast
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Dr. Laura Podcast
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Dr. Laura Podcast
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Dr. Laura Podcast
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