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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Dr Laura Podcasts Free
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Dr Laura Podcasts Free
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Dr Laura Podcasts Free
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and pretty much every other typically accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas result in healthy child development Dr Laura Podcasts Free
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Dr Laura Podcasts Free
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Dr Laura Podcasts Free
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently produces far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Dr Laura Podcasts Free
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Dr Laura Podcasts Free
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main emotion underneath it
• Many mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Dr Laura Podcasts Free
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we should be ready to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as a person. Dr Laura Podcasts Free
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Dr Laura Podcasts Free
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Dr Laura Podcasts Free
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Dr Laura Podcasts Free
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Dr Laura Podcasts Free
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Dr Laura Podcasts Free
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