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When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Dr Laura Show
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.Dr Laura Show
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Dr Laura Show
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also pretty much every other generally approved parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Dr Laura Show
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Dr Laura Show
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want Dr Laura Show
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that collaboration always generates better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Dr Laura Show
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Dr Laura Show
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• A lot of angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Dr Laura Show
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we should be willing to give before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. Dr Laura Show
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Dr Laura Show
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Dr Laura Show
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Dr Laura Show
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Dr Laura Show
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Dr Laura Show
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