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When I initially became a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. During Clean-up Time
There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mom.During Clean-up Time
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan During Clean-up Time
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as basically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development During Clean-up Time
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? During Clean-up Time
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for During Clean-up Time
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently generates far better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. During Clean-up Time
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and also extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. During Clean-up Time
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a key feeling underneath it
• Many angry children are really anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … During Clean-up Time
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we have to be prepared to offer. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. During Clean-up Time
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. During Clean-up Time
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? During Clean-up Time
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? During Clean-up Time
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. During Clean-up Time
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. During Clean-up Time
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.