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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Early Childhood Education Tips
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.Early Childhood Education Tips
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Early Childhood Education Tips
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reading blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other typically accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas bring about healthy child development Early Childhood Education Tips
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Early Childhood Education Tips
First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Early Childhood Education Tips
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently produces better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Early Childhood Education Tips
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (as well as extra typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Early Childhood Education Tips
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary emotion underneath it
• A lot of mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Early Childhood Education Tips
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we must be willing to offer. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Early Childhood Education Tips
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Early Childhood Education Tips
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Early Childhood Education Tips
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Early Childhood Education Tips
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Early Childhood Education Tips
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Early Childhood Education Tips
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.