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When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Easy Parenting
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Easy Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Easy Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reading blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and virtually every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Easy Parenting
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to help for the moment. However in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Easy Parenting
Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want Easy Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that collaboration consistently yields much better long-term results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Easy Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Right here are a couple of the methods Amy shares to help you to evolve into the mommy or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (as well as extra usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Easy Parenting
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main emotion under it
• Many upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Easy Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be eager to give. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. Easy Parenting
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Easy Parenting
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Easy Parenting
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Easy Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Easy Parenting
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Easy Parenting
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