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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Eating Healthy As A Picky Eater
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Eating Healthy As A Picky Eater
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Eating Healthy As A Picky Eater
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and basically every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Eating Healthy As A Picky Eater
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to work for the moment. However in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Eating Healthy As A Picky Eater
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Eating Healthy As A Picky Eater
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration always generates much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Eating Healthy As A Picky Eater
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually widely accepted (as well as more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Eating Healthy As A Picky Eater
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• A lot of mad children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Eating Healthy As A Picky Eater
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we should be eager to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Eating Healthy As A Picky Eater
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Eating Healthy As A Picky Eater
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Eating Healthy As A Picky Eater
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Eating Healthy As A Picky Eater
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Eating Healthy As A Picky Eater
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Eating Healthy As A Picky Eater
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