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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Effective Ways To Discipline A Child
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Effective Ways To Discipline A Child
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Effective Ways To Discipline A Child
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as basically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Effective Ways To Discipline A Child
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit temporarily. However long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Effective Ways To Discipline A Child
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Effective Ways To Discipline A Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration always yields far better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Effective Ways To Discipline A Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (and a lot more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Effective Ways To Discipline A Child
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main emotion below it
• Many angry children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Effective Ways To Discipline A Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to receive from our child, we need to be willing to provide first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as an individual. Effective Ways To Discipline A Child
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Effective Ways To Discipline A Child
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Effective Ways To Discipline A Child
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Effective Ways To Discipline A Child
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Effective Ways To Discipline A Child
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Effective Ways To Discipline A Child
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