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When I first came to be a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Emotionally Intelligent Parenting
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Emotionally Intelligent Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Emotionally Intelligent Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also pretty much every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts lead to healthy child development Emotionally Intelligent Parenting
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Emotionally Intelligent Parenting
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Emotionally Intelligent Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently yields much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than simple exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Emotionally Intelligent Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often much easier (and extra typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Emotionally Intelligent Parenting
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• The majority of angry children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Emotionally Intelligent Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we have to be willing to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as a person. Emotionally Intelligent Parenting
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Emotionally Intelligent Parenting
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Emotionally Intelligent Parenting
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Emotionally Intelligent Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Emotionally Intelligent Parenting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Emotionally Intelligent Parenting
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