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When I initially became a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Empathic Parenting
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Empathic Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Empathic Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Empathic Parenting
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit for the moment. However in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Empathic Parenting
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Empathic Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that cooperation always yields much better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than plain outward conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Empathic Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (as well as much more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Empathic Parenting
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• Many angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Empathic Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to get from our child, we have to agree to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Empathic Parenting
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Empathic Parenting
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Empathic Parenting
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Empathic Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Empathic Parenting
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Empathic Parenting
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