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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Encouragement Mean
There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Encouragement Mean
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Encouragement Mean
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also virtually every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Encouragement Mean
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Encouragement Mean
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they want Encouragement Mean
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that collaboration always generates better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this design have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Encouragement Mean
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Encouragement Mean
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key feeling beneath it
• Most mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Encouragement Mean
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we should agree to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. Encouragement Mean
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Encouragement Mean
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Encouragement Mean
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Encouragement Mean
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Encouragement Mean
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Encouragement Mean
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.