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When I first became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Encouragement Means
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Encouragement Means
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Encouragement Means
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reading blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also basically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Encouragement Means
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Encouragement Means
First, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Encouragement Means
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently produces better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Encouragement Means
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Below are a couple of the methods Amy teaches to encourage you to evolve into the mama or daddy you have actually always intended to be, and also assist your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (as well as extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Encouragement Means
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary feeling under it
• A lot of mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Encouragement Means
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we need to want to offer first. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Encouragement Means
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Encouragement Means
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Encouragement Means
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Encouragement Means
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Encouragement Means
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Encouragement Means
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.