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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Encouraging Words For Parents
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Encouraging Words For Parents
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Encouraging Words For Parents
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Encouraging Words For Parents
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Encouraging Words For Parents
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Encouraging Words For Parents
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that collaboration always yields far better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Encouraging Words For Parents
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often simpler (and also much more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Encouraging Words For Parents
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a primary emotion below it
• Many mad children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Encouraging Words For Parents
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we have to be eager to provide. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you value them as an individual. Encouraging Words For Parents
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Encouraging Words For Parents
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Encouraging Words For Parents
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Encouraging Words For Parents
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. But gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Encouraging Words For Parents
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Encouraging Words For Parents
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