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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Everybody Hates Back Talk
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Everybody Hates Back Talk
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Everybody Hates Back Talk
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also basically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles lead to healthy child development Everybody Hates Back Talk
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Everybody Hates Back Talk
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Everybody Hates Back Talk
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently generates better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Everybody Hates Back Talk
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (as well as more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Everybody Hates Back Talk
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main emotion underneath it
• The majority of mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … Everybody Hates Back Talk
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be eager to give. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Everybody Hates Back Talk
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Everybody Hates Back Talk
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Everybody Hates Back Talk
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Everybody Hates Back Talk
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Everybody Hates Back Talk
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Everybody Hates Back Talk
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.