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When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Everybody Hates Chris Back Talk
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Everybody Hates Chris Back Talk
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Everybody Hates Chris Back Talk
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reading blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and virtually every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts lead to healthy child development Everybody Hates Chris Back Talk
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. But long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Everybody Hates Chris Back Talk
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Everybody Hates Chris Back Talk
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration always generates better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Everybody Hates Chris Back Talk
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Right here are a number of the methods Amy shares to encourage you to evolve into the mommy or daddy you have actually always intended to be, and also help your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (and also a lot more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Everybody Hates Chris Back Talk
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a key feeling below it
• Most mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Everybody Hates Chris Back Talk
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we need to be ready to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Everybody Hates Chris Back Talk
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Everybody Hates Chris Back Talk
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Everybody Hates Chris Back Talk
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Everybody Hates Chris Back Talk
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Everybody Hates Chris Back Talk
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Everybody Hates Chris Back Talk
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.