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When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Family Creed
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Family Creed
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Family Creed
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and practically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas result in healthy child development Family Creed
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit temporarily. However long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Family Creed
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Family Creed
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Family Creed
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Here are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mother or father you have actually always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually easier (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Family Creed
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main feeling under it
• A lot of angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Family Creed
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we have to be willing to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Family Creed
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Family Creed
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Family Creed
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Family Creed
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Family Creed
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Family Creed
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