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When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Family Happy Valentines Day To My Children
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Family Happy Valentines Day To My Children
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Family Happy Valentines Day To My Children
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also basically every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy child development Family Happy Valentines Day To My Children
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Family Happy Valentines Day To My Children
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Family Happy Valentines Day To My Children
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently yields far better lasting results than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Family Happy Valentines Day To My Children
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (as well as extra usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Family Happy Valentines Day To My Children
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary feeling under it
• Many angry children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … Family Happy Valentines Day To My Children
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we must be ready to give. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. Family Happy Valentines Day To My Children
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Family Happy Valentines Day To My Children
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Family Happy Valentines Day To My Children
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Family Happy Valentines Day To My Children
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. However gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Family Happy Valentines Day To My Children
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Family Happy Valentines Day To My Children
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