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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Family Meeting Agenda
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Family Meeting Agenda
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Family Meeting Agenda
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Family Meeting Agenda
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to work temporarily. However in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Family Meeting Agenda
Initially, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Family Meeting Agenda
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that cooperation always generates far better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. Family Meeting Agenda
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Below are a number of the techniques Amy shares to encourage you to evolve into the mother or father you have actually always wanted to be, as well as help your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (as well as much more usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Family Meeting Agenda
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling under it
• Most upset children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Family Meeting Agenda
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to receive from our child, we should want to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as an individual. Family Meeting Agenda
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Family Meeting Agenda
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Family Meeting Agenda
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Family Meeting Agenda
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Family Meeting Agenda
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Family Meeting Agenda
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.