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When I first became a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Family Meeting Agendas
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Family Meeting Agendas
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Family Meeting Agendas
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Family Meeting Agendas
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to help temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Family Meeting Agendas
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for Family Meeting Agendas
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration always generates far better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Family Meeting Agendas
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Family Meeting Agendas
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion below it
• The majority of upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Family Meeting Agendas
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to obtain from our child, we need to agree to provide first. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Family Meeting Agendas
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Family Meeting Agendas
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Family Meeting Agendas
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Family Meeting Agendas
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Family Meeting Agendas
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Family Meeting Agendas
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.