Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Family Meeting Rules
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Family Meeting Rules
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Family Meeting Rules
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began checking out material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as practically every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Family Meeting Rules
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Family Meeting Rules
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Family Meeting Rules
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration always yields much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Family Meeting Rules
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually simpler (and also more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Family Meeting Rules
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main feeling beneath it
• The majority of upset children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard because you really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Family Meeting Rules
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to get from our child, we must want to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. Family Meeting Rules
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Family Meeting Rules
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Family Meeting Rules
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Family Meeting Rules
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Family Meeting Rules
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Family Meeting Rules
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.