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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Family Questions
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.Family Questions
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Family Questions
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began checking out articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and basically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Family Questions
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Family Questions
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Family Questions
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation always produces far better long-term results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Family Questions
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and also extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Family Questions
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion underneath it
• The majority of angry children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … Family Questions
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we must be eager to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Family Questions
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Family Questions
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Family Questions
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Family Questions
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Family Questions
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Family Questions
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.