Family Topics For Discussion – Exactly How I Applied Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Cooperate

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Family Topics For Discussion
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Family Topics For Discussion

There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”

I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Family Topics For Discussion

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Family Topics For Discussion

My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and practically every other generally approved parenting method.

I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these ideas cause healthy child development Family Topics For Discussion

Family Topics For Discussion

In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to help temporarily. But long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.

Given his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyway? Family Topics For Discussion

Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding significant misbehavior

• Providing your children every little thing they want Family Topics For Discussion

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no limits

You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently produces better long-lasting results than forced control.

Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to cultivate:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Setting healthy boundaries

• Building a child’s fundamental character traits

Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint

• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Family Topics For Discussion

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Below are a number of the methods Amy shares to assist you to evolve into the mom or dad you’ve always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Discover the root of the misbehavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (as well as much more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

But we can progress a whole lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Family Topics For Discussion

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key emotion beneath it

• Many upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need first.

• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.

• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … Family Topics For Discussion

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to receive from our child, we need to be willing to offer first. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as a person. Family Topics For Discussion

This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Family Topics For Discussion

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …

Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Family Topics For Discussion

Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.

So how can you come to be a positive parent? Family Topics For Discussion

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I recommend anyone who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Family Topics For Discussion

You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.

In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Family Topics For Discussion


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