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When I first became a mother, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Family Valentines Day
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Family Valentines Day
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Family Valentines Day
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and practically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Family Valentines Day
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Family Valentines Day
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Family Valentines Day
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration always produces far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Family Valentines Day
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Family Valentines Day
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• Most angry children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Family Valentines Day
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we need to be ready to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. Family Valentines Day
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Family Valentines Day
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Family Valentines Day
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Family Valentines Day
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. But little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Family Valentines Day
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Family Valentines Day
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