Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Fighting Between Siblings
There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Fighting Between Siblings
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Fighting Between Siblings
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and virtually every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Fighting Between Siblings
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Fighting Between Siblings
Initially, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Fighting Between Siblings
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation always yields far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outward conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Fighting Between Siblings
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (and also much more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Fighting Between Siblings
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key feeling under it
• The majority of mad children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … Fighting Between Siblings
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we must be ready to give. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you respect them as a person. Fighting Between Siblings
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Fighting Between Siblings
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Fighting Between Siblings
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Fighting Between Siblings
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Fighting Between Siblings
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Fighting Between Siblings
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.