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When I initially became a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Fighting Siblings Advice
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Fighting Siblings Advice
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Fighting Siblings Advice
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also basically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Fighting Siblings Advice
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to help temporarily. However long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Fighting Siblings Advice
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Fighting Siblings Advice
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration always generates far better lasting results than strict control.
Parents that adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Fighting Siblings Advice
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (and also much more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Fighting Siblings Advice
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main feeling beneath it
• The majority of upset children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you genuinely want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Fighting Siblings Advice
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we must be willing to offer. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. Fighting Siblings Advice
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Fighting Siblings Advice
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Fighting Siblings Advice
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Fighting Siblings Advice
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming a more positive mama or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Fighting Siblings Advice
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Fighting Siblings Advice
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