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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Fighting With Siblings
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Fighting With Siblings
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Fighting With Siblings
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Fighting With Siblings
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to help for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Fighting With Siblings
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Fighting With Siblings
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration always generates better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Fighting With Siblings
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (and also more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Fighting With Siblings
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a key feeling below it
• A lot of upset children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Fighting With Siblings
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we must agree to give before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as an individual. Fighting With Siblings
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Fighting With Siblings
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Fighting With Siblings
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Fighting With Siblings
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Fighting With Siblings
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Fighting With Siblings
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.