Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mother, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. For Your Child
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.For Your Child
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer For Your Child
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other typically approved parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development For Your Child
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to work temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? For Your Child
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want For Your Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that cooperation always yields far better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. For Your Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually widely accepted (and also a lot more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. For Your Child
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key emotion beneath it
• Most mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … For Your Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to receive from our child, we have to agree to give first. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as a person. For Your Child
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. For Your Child
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? For Your Child
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? For Your Child
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. For Your Child
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. For Your Child
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.