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When I initially came to be a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Forms Of Child Discipline
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Forms Of Child Discipline
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Forms Of Child Discipline
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started checking out blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and pretty much every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy child development Forms Of Child Discipline
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Forms Of Child Discipline
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Forms Of Child Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently generates better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Forms Of Child Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (as well as extra typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Forms Of Child Discipline
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main feeling underneath it
• The majority of angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Forms Of Child Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be eager to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as an individual. Forms Of Child Discipline
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Forms Of Child Discipline
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Forms Of Child Discipline
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Forms Of Child Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Forms Of Child Discipline
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Forms Of Child Discipline
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