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When I first became a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Fred Jones Positive Classroom Discipline Articles
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Fred Jones Positive Classroom Discipline Articles
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Fred Jones Positive Classroom Discipline Articles
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began checking out articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas cause healthy child development Fred Jones Positive Classroom Discipline Articles
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to work for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Fred Jones Positive Classroom Discipline Articles
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Fred Jones Positive Classroom Discipline Articles
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration always produces better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Fred Jones Positive Classroom Discipline Articles
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Right here are a number of the methods Amy reveals to encourage you to evolve into the mother or daddy you’ve always intended to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Fred Jones Positive Classroom Discipline Articles
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main feeling below it
• The majority of mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Fred Jones Positive Classroom Discipline Articles
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to get from our child, we must agree to provide first. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Fred Jones Positive Classroom Discipline Articles
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Fred Jones Positive Classroom Discipline Articles
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Fred Jones Positive Classroom Discipline Articles
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Fred Jones Positive Classroom Discipline Articles
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. But little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Fred Jones Positive Classroom Discipline Articles
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Fred Jones Positive Classroom Discipline Articles
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