Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Free Parenting Books
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Free Parenting Books
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Free Parenting Books
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Free Parenting Books
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to work for the moment. But in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Free Parenting Books
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Free Parenting Books
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that collaboration consistently generates better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Free Parenting Books
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and much more usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Free Parenting Books
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main emotion underneath it
• The majority of mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Free Parenting Books
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be ready to give. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as a person. Free Parenting Books
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Free Parenting Books
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Free Parenting Books
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? Free Parenting Books
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Free Parenting Books
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Free Parenting Books
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.